Some of you may remember a post called "The First Act of Love" I wrote at the very beginning of last year. In this blog update, I discussed the addage: "the first act of love is careful listening" - especially in regards to post-communist society. In order to love the people in Slovakia - no matter how strange or backwards they may seem - it is important, first, to listen to their stories and their history.
Well, I ran across another addage about listening when I was preparing for Nuevos Horizontes meeting. I think it very much so applies to people of all ages but especially teenagers and especially teenagers in Alto Cayma. The addage states:
"Listening is so close to love that most people can't tell the difference."
One of the things I get to do in Alto Cayma is train Lurdes and Tulita in how to work with teenagers - how to lead small group conversations, how to earn their trust, and how to guide them in a way that doesn't simply tell them they what to do. For me, working with teenagers (and people in general) begins with listening. In Alto Cayma, many, many children grow up somewhat on their own because their parents work hours upon hours simply to make a couple of dollars. Many families struggle with issues such as abuse and alcoholism - and sadly, these situations often discapacitate listening in the home. It is imperative that these teens' ideas and dreams are not only listened to but affirmed as well.
Tulita and Lurdes aren't the only people learning - the youth are learning as well. I am slowly teaching them how to have small group conversation so that we can create a safe and comfortable space for teens to talk about their lives. Normally when I do this, it starts in a somewhat silly way: with Would You Rather questions. For those of you who have worked with me in the past, you are more than familiar with this set of questions. For those of you who have not, I will share with you a sample from the youth meeting we had yesterday.
Would you rather drink Inca Cola (a soda unique to Peru) or Coca Cola?
Would you rather have to say everything you think (EVERYTHING!) or never speak again?
Would you rather never brush your teeth or never wash your face?
Would you rather have diarrhea or be constipated?
Would you rather live forever or die tomorrow?
As you can see, these questions fluctuate from the ridiculous and the silly to more serious ones that can lead to fruitful discussion. The kids in Alto Cayma loved them. In our conversation yesterday, we moved from Would You Rather questions to Highs (something good that happened in your life this week) and Lows (something bad that happened in your lives this week). I encourage Victor, Lurdes and Tulita to write the kids' highs and lows down for several reasons:
1. to show the teens we are listening
2. so that we can remember what's going on in their lives and ask them about these things the next time we see them.
3. so that if there are red flags that we need to follow-up on, we can remember
One of the other things I asked the youth to do yesterday was fill out a personal inventory. In this inventory, I asked the kids questions about themselves and about what they would like to talk about. A random selection of questions from the inventory includes:
- From a list of activities, choose the ones that most interest you.
- From a list of adjectives, choose 5 that best describe you.
(Some of the adjectives include: ambitious, trust-worthy, cautious, introverted, extroverted, stubbourn, talkative, calm, self-confident, energetic, resentful,lonely, kind, worried, tired...)
- Something that makes me laugh is...
- Today I am most happy about...
- My biggest worry in life is...
- My best friend is... because...
- Do you agree with this statement: Most of the time, I feel happy and healthy.
Why or why not?
- When I grow up, I want to be...
- Do you have an adult in your life that you can trust? Who is this person?
- From a list of themes, circle all those you would most like to talk about in youth group (These include: body image, my future and goals, things that happen in my life sexuality and relationships, family, friends, my talents, peer pressure, anger management, pop culture, communication, hope/faith, popular music, drugs and alcohol, how to help my friends when they have problems)
The results from the inventories were fascinating. I was little worried that a group of youth who were used to playing a lot of soccer and volleyball and youth meetings would be less than excited to fill out this quesitonnaire. However, I was excited to find that this wasn't the case - the kids took the inventories very seriously and answered them honestly.
I am still analyzing their answers; however, preliminarily, I have found:
- their is a 50/50 divide between kids that can name an adult they trust and kids who cannot
- the main worries are: family problems, school & exams, the death of a loved one, and future life after high school
- a handful or two of kids circled lonely on their adjective description list
- a smaller handful circled worried
- some kids did not feel they agreed with the statement about happiness and health
- we have a bunch of future mechanics, engineers, teachers, and business professionals on our hands!
- the themes that a majority of kids most want to discuss include: my future and goals, sexuality and relationships, my talents, and hope and faith.
As part of a way to connect with the kids - to talk about would you rathers, school, friends and relationships and any problems they may be having, I now have office hours (what I call "Horas de Presencia" or "Hours of Presence) during which I can be found (with cookies) in the office to be present with and for the youth. This Wednesday will be my first Wednesday, and I hoping it goes well. I will keep you posted.
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